a whole new world

Yes that is an Aladdin reference, well spotted. My favourite Disney cartoon in fact. I did a dance in front of my whole school to one of the songs, dressed in full genie costume. I was awesome.

Anyway, welcome to my new little bloggie. I love it already. Never fear, I will still be hilarious on Oh Errol frequently, I just needed a space for my own stuff.

‘In fine feather’ is a retro expression for being in good health. An expression that, due to my own stupidity, does not apply to me. Basically, this blog is going to me documenting my journey (oh God, I just said journey with no irony…kill me) into good health. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I have the worst immune system in the world. I am constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) tired. I can easily sleep 14 hours straight and still struggle the next day. It’s more than tiredness, it’s straight up fatigue. Most days I feel like I’m dragging my corpse around, barely functioning.

I have a totally fucked up neck and back and even though I see a chiropractor regularly, I still live on huge amounts of codeine. Sometimes it’s so bad I need Panadeine Extra.

I don’t drink booze every day, it’s more of a weekend thing. But when I do have a drink, wellllll…..yeh. It’s always to excess and the older I get the worse the hangovers are. I eat way too much junk, drink literally litres of Diet Coke/Coke Zero a day and cannot function without my can of V in the morning.

All this is bad enough for the average person, but I suffer from a myriad of food allergies and intolerances that I am fully aware of, but have spent the last 10 years or so trying to ignore. The things I love the most, Coke, cheese, pasta, chips, tomatoes and anything highly coloured or flavoured….all of it, I am super intolerant to.

I crave what makes me sick, I eat it and unsuprisingly….it makes me sick.

I’ve pushed the knowledge that my lifestyle is making me sick so far down that I am constantly at the doctor getting a battery of tests to diagnose what’s wrong with me. All the time really knowing it’s all due to my bad choices. I’m lucky that even though I eat whatever I want and do literally no exercise (seriously, I get puffed walking up stairs) I’ve never been bigger than a size 12. And thanks to copious amounts of fake tan, concealer and blush, I manage to fake looking like a normal human being. But the reality is, I have dark circles under my eyes that extend to my cheeks and underneath the cute babydoll dresses, my body looks like a 45 yr old mother of 3. It ain’t pretty.

Essentially, I have had enough. I’m turning 29 in a few months and the thought of hitting 30 feeling like this scares the shit out of me. So I’ve decided enough is enough, I am making Big Scary Changes.

After many failed diets and ‘healthy living’ attempts, I’ve realised I need to go all out and get rid of EVERYTHING that’s bad for me. I needed a huge boost to start me off so right now I am on Day One of a 5 day detox. After much research I chose Urban Remedy and so far, so good. I get 6 fruit and vegie juices a day, and they taste pretty damn awesome. You aren’t supposed to eat solid foods but considering I am detoxing from well, basically everything, I have changed it a little bit so I don’t go on a shooting rampage down Maroubra Road.

I’m allowing myself to have one bowl of wholegrain oatmeal and strawberries (sweetened with agave syrup) plus some raw vegies with a smidge of natural yoghurt. And that’s it.

So far I just feel reallllllly bloody tired and a bit dizzy. Hopefully the energy and I FEEL AMAZING AND LIKE SO HEALTHY AND STUFF will kick in soon. I’ll update every day because I need something to do that doesn’t involve stuffing my face with Easy Mac.

I feel positive and that this, finally, is my time. Let’s do this!



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18 responses to “a whole new world

  1. ELiescha

    You brave chicken u..putting it all out there!! I think you are gorgeous inside and out..but good for u for making your body and therefore mind a healthier place!! Wish u well with detox..braver and stronger than me! Don’t forget to come and do the cards one day soon xoxo

  2. Fi


    looking up that detox now, I need to also sort my Liver out. Liver cleansing diet?? Not sure.

    Maroubra is a great beach to run, that should be inspiration enough to start moving. Beautiful down there.

    Good Luck with it 🙂


  3. Ann

    Impressive and well done…step one in the ‘journey’ to the new and improved you. You have motivated me to leave the wine in the fridge (and not my glass).

  4. I will be taking delivery of any unused Easy Mac whenever convenient.

    Also: Woo! Go you! etc.

  5. lisa rowley

    CONGRATULATIONS .!! on taking that first step admitting what 90%of us know ( but never admit..)about our own bodies..That being that we have indeed FUCKED IT ALL UP.!! with food,booze and any other bad shit that we’ve manage to hoover up + suckdown since leaving the teenage years….Its only as we get older we realise we do indeed need to after our health and that takes a shit load of courage just to admit that.!! And me being just a few short years off 40 … its now DO OR DIE..i am now to determined to be FIT,FOXY +FABULOUS when i hit that big 40.!! and im throwing a MASSIVE KICK ASS bender to mark the occassion…
    Best of luck with your new quest we will look forward to your usual hilarity whilst embarking on this challenge.
    lisa xx

  6. Matt

    Good luck with it. Expect people to tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing, but just find what works for you. Don’t get disheartened.


    how exciting seeing comments already!!! you are all dolls.

    im feeling pretty shit tonite so i had some yoghurt and a handful of muesli so i didnt like throw up.

    not to the letter but i have to be realistic.

    thankyou so much for the support, i NEED it.


  8. Wow. You’re basically retraining your body and your brain to crave stuff that is actually good for you. That’s a pretty big deal.

    Good luck, darling. We’re all here to give you supportive comments and to lol at you when you say things like “journey” like a reality show contestant.

  9. I am very proud of you for not sneaking into my room last night & stealing the remaining Cadbury Creme eggs. Heart.

    • YasBean

      Dammit, that above comment was me, not Kiki.
      Damm you wordpress, clearing I didn’t realise you were still logged in when I left the comment about the Cadbury Creme eggs.
      In my defense I am delirious x 100 from the cold.

  10. Jackie

    Good stuff Kiki!

  11. sarahfloss

    It’s so great that you’re doing this. Remember- the reason you’re feeling so crap right now is because the detox is ridding your body of toxins. And the toxins were quite comfortable kickin’ around in your digestive tract and central nervous system, so are inclined to cause a fuss when evicted. Like dirty feral squatters. But, I digress. The good thing about doing this now is that you’re creating a healthy eating plan for the rest of your adult years. It’s never too late to train your body. So just hang in there- you’re doing well. In the immortal words of Journey- DON’T STOP BELIEVING!

  12. Well played Ma’am. I too realised I needed to shake things up abit after seeing a photo of myself frolicking (drunkenly) in a pool sans shirt. I looked like a small deformed albino dugong that had been caught out by the low tide. I’m trying a lot of things but what is really working is doing regular exercise and not eating bad food. Also I am trying the Raw Pork diet. It really works once those worms get settled in. You do get an itchy bum though.

    Have fun.


  13. Dylan

    good luck! I am half way through a 12 week health and fitness challenge it is tough but so rewarding when you stick to it as see actual changes in your body. I am the total opposite to you i dont have any allergies but i wish i had never been over a size 12!

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